All of which he opposed -- from paying tens of millions of dollars in arrearages to an institution, he despised, the United Nations -- he was part of the so-called “black helicopter” crowd; to passing the chemical weapons treaty, constantly referring to, “we’ve never lost a war, and we’ve never won a treaty,” which he vehemently opposed. But we were able to do these things not because he changed his mind, but because in this new relationship to maintain it is required to play fair, to be straight. The cheap shots ended. And the chicanery to keep from having to being able to vote ended -- even though he knew I had the votes.
After that, we went on as he began to look at the other side of things and do some great things together that he supported like PEPFAR -— which by the way, George W. Bush deserves an overwhelming amount of credit for, by the way, which provided treatment and prevention HIV/AIDS in Africa and around the world, literally saving millions of lives.
So one piece of advice is try to look beyond the caricature of the person with whom you have to work. Resist the temptation to ascribe motive, because you really don’t know -— and it gets in the way of being able to reach a consensus on things that matter to you and to many other people.
Resist the temptation of your generation to let “network” become a verb that saps the personal away, that blinds you to the person right in front of you, blinds you to their hopes, their fears, and their burdens.
Build real relationships -— even with people with whom you vehemently disagree. You’ll not only be happier. You will be more successful.
I began to commute thinking I was only going to stay a little while -- four hours a day, every day -- from Washington to Wilmington, which I’ve done for over 37 years. I did it because I wanted to be able to kiss them goodnight and kiss them in the morning the next day. No, “Ozzie and Harriet” breakfast or great familial thing, just climb in bed with them. Because I came to realize that a child can hold an important thought, something they want to say to their mom and dad, maybe for 12 or 24 hours, and then it’s gone. And when it’s gone, it’s gone. And it all adds up.
But looking back on it, the truth be told, the real reason I went home every night was that I needed my children more than they needed me. Some at the time wrote and suggested that Biden can't be a serious national figure. If he was, he’d stay in Washington more, attend to more important events. It’s obvious he’s not serious. He goes home after the last vote.
For your generation, there’s an incredible amount of pressure on all of you to succeed, particularly now that you have accomplished so much. You’re whole generation faces this pressure. I see it in my grandchildren who are honors students at other Ivy universities right now. You race to do what others think is right in high school. You raced through the bloodsport of college admissions. You raced through Yale for the next big thing. And all along, some of you compare yourself to the success of your peers on Facebook, Instagram, Linked-In, Twitter.
Today, some of you may have found that you slipped into the self-referential bubble that validates certain choices. And the bubble expands once you leave this campus, the pressures and anxiousness, as well -- take this job, make that much money, live in this place, hang out with people like you, take no real risks and have no real impact, while getting paid for the false sense of both.
But resist that temptation to rationalize what others view is the right choice for you -— instead of what you feel in your gut is the right choice —- that’s your North Star. Trust it. Follow it. You're an incredible group of young women and men. And that's not hyperbole. You're an incredible group.
There’s no silver bullet, no single formula, no reductive list. But they all seem to understand that happiness and success result from an accumulation of thousands of little things built on character, all of which have certain common features in my observation.
First, the most successful and happiest people I’ve known understand that a good life at its core is about being personal. It’s about being engaged. It’s about being there for a friend or a colleague when they're injured or in an accident, remembering the birthdays, congratulating them on their marriage, celebrating the birth of their child. It’s about being available to them when they're going through personal loss. It’s about loving someone more than yourself, as one of your speakers have already mentioned. It all seems to get down to being personal.
That's the stuff that fosters relationships. It’s the only way to breed trust in everything you do in your life.
Let me give you an example. After only four months in the United States Senate, as a 30-year-old kid, I was walking through the Senate floor to go to a meeting with Majority Leader Mike Mansfield. And I witnessed another newly elected senator, the extremely conservative Jesse Helms, excoriating Ted Kennedy and Bob Dole for promoting the precursor of the Americans with Disabilities Act. But I had to see the Leader, so I kept walking.
Now, look, I realize no one ever doubts I mean what I say, the problem occasionally is I say all that I mean. (Laughter.) I have a bad reputation for being straight. Sometimes an inappropriate times. (Laughter.) So here it goes. Let’s get a couple things straight right off the bat: Corvettes are better than Porsches; they're quicker and they corner as well. (Laughter and applause.) And sorry, guys, a cappella is not better than rock and roll. (Laughter and applause.) And your pundits are better than Washington pundits, although I’ve noticed neither has any shame at all. (Laughter and applause.) And all roads lead to Toads? Give me a break. (Laughter and applause.) You ever tried it on Monday night? (Laughter.) Look, it’s tough to end a great men’s basketball and football season. One touchdown away from beating Harvard this year for the first time since 20xx -— so close to something you’ve wanted for eight years. I can only imagine how you feel. (Laughter.) I can only imagine. (Applause.) So close. So close.
But I got to be honest with you, when the invitation came, I was flattered, but it caused a little bit of a problem in my extended family. It forced me to face some hard truths. My son, Beau, the attorney general of Delaware, my daughter, Ashley Biden, runs a nonprofit for criminal justice in the state, they both went to Penn. My two nieces graduated from Harvard, one an all-American. All of them think my being here was a very bad idea. (Laughter.)
The second thing I’ve noticed is that although you know no one is better than you, every other persons is equal to you and deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.
I’ve worked with eight Presidents, hundreds of Senators. I’ve met every major world leader literally in the last 40 years. And I’ve had scores of talented people work for me. And here’s what I’ve observed: Regardless of their academic or social backgrounds, those who had the most success and who were most respected and therefore able to get the most done were the ones who never confused academic credentials and societal sophistication with gravitas and judgment.
Don’t forget about what doesn’t come from this prestigious diploma -- the heart to know what’s meaningful and what’s ephemeral; and the head to know the difference between knowledge and judgment.
But even if you get these things right, I’ve observed that most people who are successful and happy remembered a third thing: Reality has a way of intruding.
I got elected in a very improbable year. Richard Nixon won my state overwhelmingly. George McGovern was at the top of the ticket. I got elected as the second-youngest man in the history of the United States to be elected, the stuff that provides and fuels raw ambition. And if you’re not careful, it fuels a sense of inevitability that seeps in. But be careful. Things can change in a heartbeat. I know. And so do many of your parents.
Six weeks after my election, my whole world was altered forever. While I was in Washington hiring staff, I got a phone call. My wife and three children were Christmas shopping, a tractor trailer broadsided them and killed my wife and killed my daughter. And they weren’t sure that my sons would live.
Many people have gone through things like that. But because I had the incredible good fortune of an extended family, grounded in love and loyalty, imbued with a sense of obligation imparted to each of us, I not only got help. But by focusing on my sons, I found my redemption.
I can remember my mother -- a sweet lady -- looking at me, after we left the hospital, and saying, Joey, out of everything terrible that happens to you, something good will come if you look hard enough for it. She was right.
The incredible bond I have with my children is the gift I’m not sure I would have had, had I not been through what I went through. Who knows whether I would have been able to appreciate at that moment in my life, the heady moment in my life, what my first obligation was.
So I began to commute -- never intending to stay in Washington. And that's the God’s truth. I was supposed to be sworn in with everyone else that year in ’73, but I wouldn’t go down. So Mansfield thought I’d change my mind and not come, and he sent up the secretary of the Senate to swear me in, in the hospital room with my children.
you -- you’re on the cusp of some of the most astonishing breakthroughs in the history of mankind -— scientific, technological, socially —- that’s going to change the way you live and the whole world works. But it will be up to you in this changing world to translate those unprecedented capabilities into a greater measure of happiness and meaning -— not just for yourself, but for the world around you.
And I feel more confident for my children and grandchildren knowing that the men and women who graduate here today, here and across the country, will be in their midst. That’s the honest truth. That's the God’s truth. That's my word as a Biden.
Congratulations, Class of 20xx. And may God bless you and may God protect our troops. Thank you.
It means you’re willing to look foolish, you’re willing to run the risk of looking foolish in the service of what matters to you. And if you remember that, because some of the things your heart will tell you to do, will make you among your peers look foolish, or not smart, or not sophisticated. But we’ll all be better for people of your consequence to do it.
That’s what I want you to most remember. Not who spoke at the day you all assembled on this mall. You’re a remarkable class. I sure don't remember who the hell was my commencement speaker. (Laughter.) I know this is not officially commencement. But ask your parents when you leave here, who spoke at your commencement? It’s a commencement speaker aversion of a commencement speaker’s fate to be forgotten. The question is only how quickly. But you’re the best in your generation. And that is not hyperbole. And you're part of a remarkable generation.
In sports, we call for “fresh legs” when our health is on the decline, when our bodies are met with dis-ease, or when veteran players get sick or tired. I would submit that my generation, most of your parents’ cohort, is the veterans and frankly, we are winded. We’ve been in the game since the clock started. Now, don’t get it twisted. W still got it. Thank you for that. But we still need your enthusiasm, your emotional intelligence and your energy to impact the field of play in this game we call life.
So let’s wrap this thing up – you ready? I asked you: were you ready? Because it’s time to move on to the really exciting stuff...the conferring of degrees! Somebody say amen.
So let me leave you with this.
Duke is a very special place. To get in is no small feat, but to get out is a real accomplishment.
Every one of you graduates is to be commended for your hard work and effort to this point. From our youngest grad at 20 years old to our most seasoned grad at 72, somebody say amen, you are all awesome and we are truly proud to welcome you into the Duke Family!
I’ve been lucky. And my wish for all of you is that not only tomorrow, but 20 and 40 and 50 years from now, you’ve found that sweet spot, that thing that allows you to get up in the morning, put both feet on the floor, go out and pursue what you love, and think it still matters.
Some of you will go to Silicon Valley and make great contributions to empower individuals and societies and maybe even design a life-changing app, like how to unsubscribe to Obama for America email list -- (laughter) -- the biggest “pan-list” of all times.
Some of you will go to Wall Street and big Wall Street law firms, government and activism, Peace Corps, Teach for America. You’ll become doctors, researchers, journalists, artists, actors, musicians. Two of you -— one of whom was one of my former interns in the White House, Sam Cohen, and Andrew Heymann —- will be commissioned in the United States Navy. Congratulations, gentlemen. We're proud of you. (Applause.)
But all of you have one thing in common you will all seek to find that sweet spot that satisfies your ambition and success and happiness.
I’ve met an awful lot of people in my career. And I’ve noticed one thing, those who are the most successful and the happiest -- whether they’re working on Wall Street or Main Street, as a doctor or nurse, or as a lawyer, or a social worker, I’ve made certain basic observation about the ones who from my observation wherever they were in the world were able to find that sweet spot between success and happiness. Those who balance life and career, who find purpose and fulfillment, and where ambition leads them.
In all seriousness, the board back then made an inspiring decision to choose Washington. And anyone who thinks this school is in D.C. or near Seattle clearly hasn’t been paying attention.
It seems fitting that an institution named for Washington has played such an important role in presidential elections in recent decades. WashU has hosted a number of nationally televised debates, including the last one you saw in 20xx.
Hosting a presidential debate is an experience that few schools or students get. But I can’t stand here and tell you it provided a great civics lesson. I wish I could.
Instead of focusing on the critical issues facing the country, that debate was more about locker room talk and ‘lock her up.’ Lincoln-Douglas, I think it’s fair to say, it was not.
And that brings me to the topic du jour. It would be easy to blame the candidates or the moderators for the poor quality of that debate. But the problem runs much deeper.
I felt like a fool. He then went on to say, Joe, it’s always appropriate to question another man’s judgment, but never appropriate to question his motives because you simply don't know his motives.
It happened early in my career fortunately. From that moment on, I tried to look past the caricatures of my colleagues and try to see the whole person. Never once have I questioned another man’s or woman’s motive. And something started to change. If you notice, every time there’s a crisis in the Congress the last eight years, I get sent to the Hill to deal with it. It’s because every one of those men and women up there -- whether they like me or not -- know that I don't judge them for what I think they're thinking.
Because when you question a man’s motive, when you say they're acting out of greed, they're in the pocket of an interest group, et cetera, it’s awful hard to reach consensus. It’s awful hard having to reach across the table and shake hands. No matter how bitterly you disagree, though, it is always possible if you question judgment and not motive.
Senator Helms and I continued to have profound political differences, but early on we both became the most powerful members of the Senate running the Foreign Relations Committee, as Chairmen and Ranking Members. But something happened, the mutual defensiveness began to dissipate. And as a result, we began to be able to work together in the interests of the country. And as Chairman and Ranking Member, we passed some of the most significant legislation passed in the last 40 years.